Tater Tots and Life
by kurtblainesexfuckyeahtheyfuck
Summary: Mercedes finally realizes who she is in love with, and it's not a human. It's tater tots! Loving these comes with challenges, however. In this story you will discover the journeys Mercedes takes, and discovering how it is, as a totsexual.
1. Chapter 1: Finding True Love

She felt the golden crust melt in her mouth.

Her jaws munched on this delicate snack that she was in love with.

Mercedes Jones was in love with tater tots.

She never felt like this about anything before. Sure, she had a small love for the flamboyant Kurt Hummel, and she even went out with Noah Puckerman. But these meant something special to her. They made her feel like a new heart. A new human. A new Mercedes.

"Mercedes, Mercedes!" Sam shouted at his girlfriend as she was dazing off into her lunch. "Are you okay? You haven't been really socializing lately. Is something wrong?" Sam bit his lower lip. He felt sweat roll down his forehead. He didn't want to mess up with Mercedes, she meant a lot to him.

"I'm fine, just a little nervous. I have a- erm- chemistry quiz today." Ms. Jones said with nerve.

"You'll do great, I know it." Sam smiled at her. "So what are you doing this weekend? I thought maybe we could tot, tots, tots, tater tots, tots-"

Mercedes was befuddled towards Sam. She needed her tater tots. She thought about the tot structure. How crisp the outside is- yet juicy in the middle. When you bite into it, it feels like your becoming a part of it, the inside potatoe, how yummy it is. A plate of tater tots being stacked onto one another, one by one, until they all come down. Then you pick them up-

"Mercedes, Mercedes! Hello?" Sam waved his hand in front of his girlfriends eyes.

Mercedes, barley even paying attention, just muttered, "Tots, tater tots, tots…"

"Mercedes!" Sam screamed.

"What!" Mercedes was finally awake. "What do you need?"

Sam calmed down and told Mercedes how she was being drunk-like. "Well, I have to go to the library. See you tomorrow honey!"

Mercedes watched as her boyfriend put his dishes up. She knew that if she wanted to be with her true love- tater tots- she had to leave him first. She didn't know how she was going to dump him though. She had one chance- and that chance was now. As Sam made his way out, Mercedes sprang up and stopped him.

"Hold it right there! Sam I have to tell you something." Sam was about to open his mouth, till Mercedes pressed her index finger over his mouth. "We can't be together. I love someone else." Sam had pain in his eyes, it reminded him of Quinn. "I love tots. Tater tots. And you may think I'm crazy, but I'm not. I'm in love." Mercedes lowered her voice, and talked in a monotone voice. "A few months ago, I thought someone would never come for me. I thought I would be the lonely high school girl that couldn't get a single date. I would cry myself to sleep. One day though, I saw a tot in my trash can. God gave me a sign. You came along, Sam, and helped me. You showed me that boys aren't the way to go. I decided I am no heterosexual."

Sam threw Mercedes' finger off his mouth in disgust. "I cannot believe your gay!" He said angrily.

"I'm not gay, I'm totsexual."

"That's it, we're over." Sam stormed out in disgust.

Mercedes looked as she saw her ex-boyfriend leave. She turned around and saw her food tray on the red lunch table. She squinted her eyes and saw it- she saw her tots. It seemed like her and her tots were the only ones in the room. She walked towards them. Right foot, left foot, right foot, left foot. She picked up the tot that was located at the top on the stack. She rubbed her fingers around it, and felt the bumps on the outside. She gentley tore the to part off, and stuck her finger in the middle. She felt like it was heaven. She twirled her delicate finger in it, and felt the potatoe in the center hug her hand. She pulled her finger out, and saw the tot that was no longer complete. She did the only thing left- put it in her mouth. She placed the tot in the palm of her right hand, and moved it closer to her lips. She widened her jaws and landed the tater tot on the center of her tounge. She slowly started to press down, and right as she felt the tot on her tooth, she took it out of her mouth.

"I can't do this." She said with a frown. "This tot has feelings, and I can't just destroy it cause it's delicious! I love it, and who would I be to destroy what I love?"

She placed the tot in a napkin, and wrapped it up. What about all the rest? She emptied out her golden purse- she threw away the unimportant things, like her drivers license, car keys, money, jewrly, and replaced it all with the tater tots.

"Now I'm ready." She said, finally leaving the lunchroom.

As she was driving home, she could see the golden light shining from her purse as her tots lit up. She almost forgot! For glee club she had to perform 'Edge of Glory' by Lady Gaga. Mr. Schue told her to add her own twist to it, and she knew exactly what she was going to do. She popped the karaoke track into the CD player, and started singing.

_There ain't no reason you and me should be alone__  
><em>_Tonight, yeah, baby! __  
><em>_And I got a reason that you're who should take me home tonight__  
><em>_I need a man that thinks it's right when it's so wrong__  
><em>_Tonight, yeah, baby! __  
><em>_Right on the limits where we know we both belong tonight__  
><em>

A tear ran down her face. She was thinking about tots. How lonely some of them get! They are just eaten every day, without anyone caring for them. They aren't just something you munch on, they are living. They have souls. They deserve rights. Mercedes knew exactly what to do with this assignment.

_It's hard to feel the rush, to brush the dangerous__  
><em>_I'm gonna run right to, to the edge with you__  
><em>_Where we can both fall far in love_

Mercedes was ready to add her own flare to it. She decided to add a few extra lyrics to this song.

_I'm on the edge of glory __**with tots**__ and I'm hanging on a moment of truth__  
><em>_Out on the edge of glory __**with tots**__ and I'm hanging on a moment with you__  
><em>_I'm on the edge__** with tots**__, the edge__** with tots**__, the edge__** with tots**__, the edge__** with tots**__, the edge__** with tots**__, the edge__** with tots**__, the edge__** with tots**__,__  
><em>_I'm on the edge of glory__** with tots**__, and I'm hanging on a moment with you__  
><em>_I'm on the edge __**with tots**__._

Mercedes looked down at the bag of her tots. She unzipped the top, and just looked at them. She opened her mouth, and the words came out naturally.

"Will you go out with me?"

The top tot fell to the bottom. Mercedes kissed her new partner. She knew that this was who she was meant to be with, but it wasn't going to come easy. She knew her next task- the most challenging obstacle of her life.


	2. Chapter 2: Come out, Come Out!

"WHAT, THE BALLS?" Rachel said in disgust as she watched Mercedes' performance. "First you get the exotic Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta solo that I deserved, then you use it to show your love for tater tots!"

"As much as I don't want to agree with hobbit over there, I do," Santana replied. "If anyone deserves a Lady Gaga solo it should be me."

"Guys!" Mr. Schuester said interrupting the dispute. "I gave the Edge of Glory solo to Mercedes for a reason." Mr. Schuester stopped and turned towards Mercedes. "What was it about though, Mercedes?"

Mercedes saw the faces of her friends. They were angry, confused and sad. She looked towards Sam, who knew what was going on. She opened her mouth, but no words came out. Fear came across her, and she ran out.

"Can I try the solo Mr. Schuester?" Tina asked.

"Wait…you can talk Tina?"

Mercedes sat in her car, looking at her plate of tots. She picked up the top tot. She looked at it. The golden crust on the outside. She rubbed it between her index finger and her thumb. She accidently squished it while performing this action, however. She watch the potatoes slowly ooze out of it. She got her finger and scooped the potatoes up and put her finger in her mouth. She loved the way it tasted. So delicious, yet soft. So warming, yet spicy. She looked at the tater tot. As she saw the bumps, it reminded her of how un-perfect it can sometimes be. How it can change someone's life, even a sexual orientation! She realized that coming out as a totsexual wasn't going to be easy and it's the tater tots fault in the first place! She threw it up against her car window, and broke into tears. She rested her forehead against her driving wheel, letting her tears drip to her feet. How did she end up like this?

"Young one don't cry."

Mercedes lifted her head up. "Where did that come from!" she frantically said.

"From me. Your god, your savior."

Mercedes looked at the sky in awe. "Jesus, why are you here?"

"Bitch, I ain't Jesus! I'm the tater tot god. And I'm not in the sky. I'm down here. On the plate."

Mercedes looked down at the plate. "Why are you coming to me? Don't you have other tots to save?"

"I do indeed, but you're the most important thing right now." the tater tot god replied. "Mercedes, you shouldn't be upset at being a totsexual. You should embrace it. You know your friend, the really really hot one?"

"Sam…my ex-boyfriend." Mercedes said with her face downcast.

"No, the Asian. He embraces being Asian, and you should embrace being totsexual. Remember what your favorite teacher, gaga, said? You were born this way, baby. God made you perfect, and you should embrace being totsexual." Mercedes smiled.

"But how do I embrace it? It's not easy to tell everyone your totsexual."

"That you must find out. Goodbye fellow totsexual."

Mercedes smiled.

"I'm a size five." Mercedes said to the shoe-keeper. "Tots, what ice-skate size are you?"

"M'am, I don't think those tots can talk."

Mercedes stared at the guy. She stared at him. She STARED at him.

The lights went out.

"Now you listen here, don't make fun of my tots okay?" The man couldn't speak. Mercedes stuffed tots in his nose and in his throat. He couldn't breath. As he took in his last inhale of oxygen, Mercedes got a bullet and shot him in the head. "Bitch mess with my tots…. Dayum."

Mercedes stepped onto the ice rink holding her tots in red bucket. So tots, how is this for a first date? It's better than the movies, or a picnic. But I really brought you here for a reason. I need advice. Should I tell everyone about our relationship and how I'm totsexual? What if they judge me? Yes, I know I told Sam. But that was impulse. I saw how he reacted… what if everybody reacts that way?"

The tots glimmered under the disco ball.

"I was born this way. But, I have to admit it; it's not how easy I thought it would be. I have a love for you tots, and no one can break it. I love you, but it's hard to love you and not be able to show it"

Mercedes heard a song come over the speakers. She felt like she was the only one skating. Just her and her tots.

_He put it on me, I put it on,__  
><em>_Like there was nothing wrong.__  
><em>_It didn't fit,__  
><em>_It wasn't right._

_Wasn't just the size.__  
><em>_They say you know,__  
><em>_When you know.__  
><em>_I don't know.___

_I didn't feel__  
><em>_The fairytale feeling, no.__  
><em>_Am I a stupid girl__  
><em>_For even dreaming that I could._

She knew this song. It fit her. Everything isn't like those movies. Not many people will accept her as totsexual. She just wished they would. 

___If it's not like the movies,__  
><em>_Thats how it should be, yeah.__  
><em>_When he's the one,__  
><em>_I'll come undone,__  
><em>_And my world will stop spinning__  
><em>_And that's just the beginning, yeah._

When she finished, she realized that she was singing alone in the middle, with everyone watching her. She stared at them all. She stared at them. She STARED at them.

The lights went out.

As she was driving back from her first date, she thought about her tots and how she would come out. She asked them how they would come out, but they didn't respond, Mercedes thought they were a little shy.

She got a text from Blaine Anderson on her new iphone.

Blaine: Courage!

Mercedes: wtf

Blaine: Courage!

Mercedes: gtfo you hobbit

Blaine: Courage!

Mercedes: wtf how do u know i need courage

Blaine: I KNOW ABOUT EVERYTHING NOW HAVE COURAGE OKAY?

Mercedes: wtf

She turned off her phone. Maybe the hobbit was right. She does need courage. She needed to come out, and if the people didn't like it, screw them. She was going to listen to Blaine Warbler, and how he said to have courage. She was going to listen to her tot god, how he told her she was born this way. Lastly, she was going to listen to her heart. She knew the first step to coming out: Tell Kurt.


	3. Chapter 3: A Bath in Tots

Life is golden and crispy, like a tater tot.

Or that's what Mr. Jones would tell her.

"Mercedes, Mercedes!"

She looked up from her silver plate. Her dad was sitting there, one eyebrow moving like a worm.

"Why haven't you put any food on your plate yet?"

Mercedes was focused on what the tot god was thinking right now. Did tot god want her to come out as a totsexual to her parents first? She wanted to come out to Kurt though! But what if Blaine-

"Mercedes! Get some French fries from the plate," Mrs. Jones said, gesturing towards the Christmas decorated bowl filled with salted fries.

Her enemy was matched. The fries grew faces and mocked here.

"Hey look Frenchy, it's the totsexual. Watch out, she might eat us!"

She took a deep breath. She knew she could just try one French fry. She reached her hand, and grabbed one. She twirled it around in her hand, examining every bit of it.

"It's just a tater tot, but in a different shape-" she thought to herself.

"Uh oh, the totsex is going to eat us!"

"Maybe she'll shove us in her-"

She couldn't take it! Mercedes clasped the French fry, and squeezed it to death. She let out an evil laugh as it slowly melted in her palm. She's not Frysexual! She's totsexual!

She threw the remains on the ground, and placed her foot on it. She swirled like a windshield wiper. It was in pieces. She picked up the remains and ran with them around the room.

"French Fries will die in hell! French Fries will die in hell!" She repeated, running around with them held above her head. She threw the rest on the stove and lit it to 250 degrees farenheit. She watched them turn into ashes, and let out another beastly laugh.

"I think you should go to bed now, honey."

Mercedes turned around, and her Mom was concerned. She faced her head downward, and walked up the steps.

She sat down on her twin sized pink bed, and grabbed her new iphone.

She slid her finger across the screen, and entered her password "tatertotsinmyvagina".

She clicked on messages, and texted Kurt.

_Mercedes: hay kurt r we still on for breadstix and a movie tomoro night? I'll pick u up around 6_

_Kurt: Of Course! Just remember I need to be home by 11:00 because I'm having sex with Blaine._

_Mercedes: um_

_Kurt: Shit I mean stupid auto correct I meant um baking cookies with Finn yeah see you tomorrow bye_

_Mercedes: kk bye_

Mercedes put her phone down. She grabbed the bowl of tater tots, and laid them right by her. She positioned herself down on the bed and closed her eyes. Mercedes Jones knew tomorrow was going to be a big day.

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

She put her hand on the buzzer. She slowly opened her eyes back up and looked at the time- holy shit! It was 4:30 PM! How did she sleep in so late? She didn't care though~ she couldn't miss this important night with Kurt.

She hopped out of bed and put on a new outfit of clothes. She ran to do her hair, brushed her teeth, and by the time she was done it was around 5:00.

As she hustled back into her room to grab her keys and phone, she saw the bowl of tater tots.

They were lonely.

No one loved them anymore.

Mercedes dropped everything she had.

She saw the gleam in them, how lonely they were. She saw the golden outline of each tot. All 496 of them in that bowl, every one of them loved her. And she loved them more. She smiled, and gave them a kiss goodbye.

"Come on Kurt, you can eat something besides salad."

Kurt laughed at Mercedes. The waitress approached them, and they gave her their order.

Mercedes wanted something different though. "Instead of French… French…."

"French Fries?" Kurt interviened.

"Yes, those. Can we get tater tots instead?"

The waitress nodded, and went away.

"Kurt, I really have to tell you something. It's really important."

Kurt looked confused. He seemed afraid.

"You know how I had that crush on you?"

Kurt shook his head. "I'm gay, Mercedes."

Mercedes looked down at her plate. "Then we're both not straight."

"Wait what?"

Mercedes knew that she couldn't back up, it was too late.

"I have to tell you a secret. A secret I've kept hidden for a long time. You're so special to me. I've watched you my high school life, always been so strong. Done exactly what you believe and never cared about what anyone else thought about you. Kurt, I love tater tots, the way I'm supposed to feel about boys. It's just something that's always been inside of me and I want to share it with you because I love you so much. I want you to know me. Who I really am. When I'm with Tater Tots, I finally understand what people are talking about when they talk about love. And I've tried so hard to push this feeling away and keep it locked inside, but everyday feels like a war. And I walk around so mad at the world but I'm really just fighting with myself. I don't want to fight anymore. I'm just too tired. I have to just be me. Say something, please."

"Wait, sorry, I was sexting- I mean texting Blaine. What was that again?"

"I'm totsexual."

"I have to go… someone's calling me." Kurt left the room.

The waitress then approached Mercedes and handed her a bowl of tots.

Mercedes looked at them, and realized what she has done.

"Send them away…."

The waitress was befuddled. "What do you mean?"

"Take them away! Do you hear me?"

The waitress ran away with the tater tots. Mercedes sat there, alone.

"Don't be scared," a voice said.

"Is it really you?"

A tater tot was left on the table. It was all alone, by itself.

"I came to help you again, Mercedes."

"Tater tot god!" Mercedes smiled with joy.

The Tot God asked her why she sent them back, and Mercedes told her it was too hard for her.

"I know exactly what to do," Tot God said.

The lights dimmed, and spotlight went onto the tater tot. It's golden crust shined in the spotlight, and a voice came out of it.

_Tater tot dropout,__  
><em>_No tater tot day for you.__  
><em>_Tater Tot dropout,__  
><em>_Missed your golden crust and flunked times two!__  
><em>_Well at least you could have taken time, to wash and clean__  
><em>_your tots up,__  
><em>_After spending all that dough to have the doctor fix your boobs__  
><em>_up!_

Mercedes smiled a bit, but didn't know what to say.

"That songs called Beauty School Dropout, it's from Grease! I rearranged it for you." Tot God said.

Mercedes laughed. "I know, but why are you telling me that the tater tots don't like me?"

The Tot God approached her. "If you don't love us, just dropout."

Mercedes started to frown. "I do love you, though."

"Then don't be a dropout."

Mercedes smiled.

"Care to sing with me?" the Tot God exclaimed.

"It would be my pleasure." Mercedes said.

_Baby don't blow it,__  
><em>_Don't put my good advice to shame.__  
><em>_Baby you know it,__  
><em>_Even Dear Abby'd say the same!___

_Now I've called the shot, get off the block, I really gotta__  
><em>_fly!__  
><em>_Gotta be going to that, tot shop, in the sky!___

_Tater tot dropout (Beauty school dropout)__  
><em>_Go back to tater tot school!_

"Mercedes?"

Kurt was very puzzled as to what went on.

"What's going on?" Mercedes said, very confused.

"I just sat down after my phone call with Blaine, and you've been staring at that one tater tot for about 5 minutes or so. And what were you saying earlier about a war or something?"

"Everyone has secrets, Kurt." Mercedes said. "They are called secrets for a reason. I want you to leave this restruant."

Kurt was very confused. "Wait, what did I do?"

"I don't ever want to see you again."

Kurt was very freaked out. "I don't see what I did wrong Mercedes! You just stared at a tater-"

"Go. NOW! You made your choice, now I have made mine. It's selfish of you to make me uncomfortable. The sin isn't in the thing it's in the scandal, when people talk about it aloud."

"What the hell is going on?" Kurt asked.

"You made fun of me for being totsexual," Mercedes said.

"What?"

"I know you, Kurt. You made fun of me. I leave now," Mercedes projected, as she filled her up her bag and left the room.

Kurt just sat there, puzzled by what just happened.

Mercedes stepped foot into her room again, and realized she smelt awful, so she decided to take a bath.

She filled the bathtub with the crispiest tater tots she could find, and got herself naked in there. Her Mom knocked on the door, though.

"Mercedes, we need to talk to you. It's important."


	4. Chapter 4: One Knock

_AUTHOR'S NOTE: This Chapter starts off rather serious, but yet again the whole concept of coming out as a "totsexual" is still silly. It goes back to a comedy after the few paragraphs of introduction, I promise! Just keep reading! Enjoy!_

Every knock Mrs. Jones placed on the doorframe, a tater tot would move. Every knock, a sweat would roll down Mercedes' face. Every knock, she knew she was one moment closer to telling her Mom the truth.

"Honey, please open the door!" The lovely mother of Mercedes Jones said.

Mercedes swiftly moved her eyes left to right, looking for some escape; but there was none. Her only escape was the brutal truth of being a totsexual.

"It's been unlocked, Mom," she said with a nervous tone.

The door knob slowly started to turn. Mercedes placed her left and right hands in a bowl formation and scooped one last chunk of tots to munch on.

The door slammed open. A curious figure stood there, unaware of the situation. Mercedes didn't know who it was; was it her Mom that loved her no matter what or an unknown figure that her Mom could see herself as in a just a few minutes?

"Hi Mom," Mercedes muttered, hoping she could avoid the tater tots she was bathing in. "You had to talk to me about something?"

Mrs. Jones had her face downcast. "What is this?"

Mercedes took a deep breath, and just as she was about to say something; she looked into her Mom's eyes. They were as gold as river, and only one can have such beautiful eyes. Her eyelashes curled at the ends of them, and as she took a blink her sparkling silver eyelids danced with the light. She took one last glimpse into those eyes- golden, yet beautiful. The eyes slowly transformed into a more spherical shape. This shape had bumps, and almost a round curb at the edge. She started to smell something- Chik Fil A on a Saturday morning. She gasped, and saw that her Mom's eyes were now a Tater-

"Mercedes!" her Mom screamed. "Why are you bathing in potatoes?"

"They are tater tots, Mother," she replied, in a nasty tone. How could someone not know what a tater tot is? It's like not knowing god. It's like not believing in Jesus!

Mrs. Jones snickered. "Tater tots?"

Mercedes started to shake her head back and forth.

"We don't allow tater tots in this family."

Her golden eyes turned red. Red could mean so many things- it could be passion or even courage. Maybe her Mom finally will overcome her as a totsexual! Maybe she'll finally be accepted. Mercedes bit her lower lip, and her breathing grew harder by the second. Red could also mean danger, or even shame.

"It's what have to do Sweetie."

Mercedes heard a click. All of a sudden, everything turned black, and something was being placed on her eyes. She tried to feel it- but she couldn't move her hands. Mercedes tried to wiggle her feet around, but they wouldn't move either. She tried every limb of her plump body- but nothing would move. She was trapped in this bath of tater tots, and all that could save her was a figure. Her face started to sweat. Her hands started to hurt. He feet felt warm. Smoke was in the air- and it crawled up Mercedes' nostril. Through the thin cloak that must've been covering her eyes- she saw red again. But the red grew closer, and closer- and POP! The tots started popping. Mercedes called this pure torture. The heat grew closer to her face, and with one big POP, Mercedes Jones went-

"HELP ME!" she hopelessly screamed. She tried to wiggle her feet- and they wiggled with her. She activated her hands, and they activated too! She slowly opened her eyes- and there she was in bed, with her favorite snack by her side like nothing every happened.

"Tater tots, you're here!"

Mercedes picked up the top tot on the bowl. She brought it up to the tip of her nose, and rubbed it around.

"That'll be our secret handshake," she chuckled.

She then lowered it down to her mouth. She slowly opened her two pink lips- but not to pop the tater tot in, but to pop her tongue out. With one big swoop, she licked the tater tot from the top to bottom, and then put it back in the bowl.

She looked at the orange dish the tater tots were sitting in. She lifted her hands off of the bowl, and starting rubbing them together.

She looked around for a new home that the tots would reside in.

"Hmmm" She mummered to herself. Looking around the room she saw many things- she saw a laptop case, a plastic baggie- and even a shotgun! She couldn't remember why there was a shotgun there- she just knew that it for emergencies. She moved her loves to the plastic baggie, and slowly lifted her hands upwards, offering the bag to the Tot god.

_NAAAAAAAH_

_SEWENYA_

_MAMAKEE SEE BA BA_

_NAAAH_

_SEEWOOOH_

_MAMAKEEE SEE BA BAAAA_

_WHENYAAA MAAA_

She repeated these phrases of the lion king to herself, knowing that she was in the circle of tater tots.

_It's the circle of tots!_

_And it moves us all-_

_Through despair and hope_

_Through faith and love_

_Till we find our place_

_ON the path unwinding_

_In the Circle_

_The Circle of Tots_

_It's the Circle of-_

"What are you doing, Mercedes?" a voice said from the hallway.

Mercedes trembled in the appearance of her mother.

Mrs. Jones stopped and looked at the scene for a second. She questioned Mercedes on what she was going on.

"I have to tell you a secret. A secret I've kept hidden for a long time-"

"Just get to the point," her Mom interrupted. "What is going on?"

Mercedes Price Jones took a deep breath- now was the time. Fear was gone, and love was in the room.

"I'm tater totsexual, Mom. I like tater tots. I like sucking on them. I like licking them. I like making them suck my vagin- I mean kiss them."

Silence poured a glass of itself in the room.

"Mercedes," her mom said in an unhappy tone, breaking the silence. "Something's wrong with this."

Mercedes knew what she had to do before things got ugly- she grabbed a handful of tater tots and stuffed them into her pocket, knowing that if anything goes wrong they are by her side.

"You didn't tell me sooner."

A smile was lit on Mercedes face.

"I understand where you're coming from," her mom interrupted. "You know my friend Giselle? She's whalesexual. It's okay; I understand you."

Mercedes ran for a hug from her Mom- but she put her hand over her left pocket, just to make sure the tater tots didn't get smashed.

Mr. Jones interrupted on them having a moment. "What's going on here?" he jokingly said.

Mercedes didn't know whether to tell her Dad or not. She knew that if she did tell him, she would still have her mom if he wasn't accepting. But then again-

"Mercedes is totsexual!" her mom exclaimed.

Mercedes Jones loves her mom, she really does. But when she blurts out things that Mercedes would rather say…

"A what?" Mr. Jones said, hoping he misheard her.

"I'm totsexual dad. I can only tater tots."

Her dad's eyes turned yellow.

"That doesn't exist, Mercedes."

Mercedes assured her Dad that it was who she was, and she couldn't change.

"We'll see about that," Mr. Jones said, with an evil smirk on his face.

One knock is all it took.

_Thank you all who keep reading this! It's hard to make some parts not serious, but I try my best to keep it a comedy. Trust me, I have some funny things coming up!_

_Next chapter will be posted on:_

_**December 18**__**th**_


	5. Chapter 5: Two Wings and an Open Window

"Papa, you can't do this to me!" Mercedes screamed as her father was taking away her tots.

She never had this feeling before. She clinched the juicy tater tots left in her pocket, hoping her dad wouldn't find them. She heard them crinkle, and felt the potato ooze in her hand.

Mrs. Jones tried to stop the evil father, explaining that she has a whalesexual friend, but nothing could stop him from taking away the love of Mercedes' life.

"I'm going to call that boy Sam to come over for dinner. We will eat French fries, and nothing else. I will make you two kiss for god's sake! I am not letting you be this tatersexual or whatnot!"

A tear rolled down the left cheek of Mercedes Jones. She wiped it off, and it plumped onto the dull carpet. Mr. Jones tripped over the shotgun that was in front of the door. "Damnit! Why is there a shotgun here? I thought I threw that out months ago!" He kicked the shotgun out of the way and ran downstairs to hide the tots.

Mercedes sat down onto the edge of her bed, and a waterfall started to come out. "You said this wouldn't happen."

Mrs. Jones took a seat right next to her, and assured her that she can't give up. Mercedes shook her head. Every moment since sophomore year she's been told to never give up. She's kept her head held high the entire way, but this was the end of it.

A thump came from the window. The lights turned out, and a candle all of a sudden lifted.

"Who's here?" Mrs. Jones questioned, holding her daughter for safety.

"I am here for help, not to harm," the voice said. Mercedes has heard this voice before, but she couldn't put her finger on it. Was it Rachel? No, it wasn't loud or obnoxious. Was it Kurt? The voice seemed very low, so it couldn't have been Kurt. But who could it be? Someone that must've known Mercedes needed help. Who helps Mercedes often though? How could she be so stupid! She knew exactly who it was.

"Is it you, tot god?"

Mrs. Jones looked at Mercedes as if she was crazy. "Jesus is dead, Mercedes."

She chuckled, and told her mom that this bitch ain't Jesus.

"Tot god, why have you come here now? I thought you weren't coming back."

"I have one thing to say to you, Mercedes," the voice said. Suddenly, her phone started nonstop vibrating.

"That's weird, my phone is crazy right now," Mercedes exclaimed. She opened her messages.

_**Blaine: **__Look up Mercedes._

Frightfully, Mercedes tilted her head upward.

"COURAGE!" the voice screamed into her ear. Mrs. Jones ran to turn on the light and there Blaine Warbler was standing- wearing brown colored loafers without socks, bright orange pants with a green belt, a dark blue button up shirt and a turquoise bowtie, all topped off with hot pink sunglasses and a rainbow beret.

"What the fuck are you doing here Blaine?" Mercedes shouted.

"Courage," the old warbler responded.

"Mercedes, who is this?" Mrs. Jones asked.

"His name is-"

"Courage," he interrupted.

Mrs. Jones then said, "Your name is courage?"

"Courage," he responded.

Mercedes rolled her eyes and spoke to him, "Can you say anything else besides courage?"

"When I get bored I send Kurt naked pictures of myself and then we go to his house as he sticks his penis up my asshole."

"Can you just tell me what your doing here Blaine?"

Blaine smiled and said what they expected, "Courage."

Mrs. Jones realized what Blaine wanted. "He wants you to have courage, and never give up," she whispered into her daughter's ear. Blaine nodded. Mercedes said that her love is being taken away, so she can't have courage anymore.

"Love has no boundaries, Mercedes, if you really love tots they will come back for you,"

"Courage," Blaine replied. Suddenly, two wings emerged from his back and he started flying. He waved goodbye, and then flew out of the open window.

"Thanks Mom," Mercedes assured her Mom.

Her Dad came back through the door. "Your tater tots are gone Mercedes, forever."

Mercedes thought about courage, how love will always find it's way back to each other. But anger grew in her; she just wanted to punch her Dad in the face! How dare he insult her? Nothing was going to get better; he was going to stay homophobic towards totsexuals forever. She had to end this hate now.

"No Dad, you didn't. I'm taking away something of yours."

Mercedes picked up the shotgun on the ground, held it in her hands and pointed it at her Dad.

"You don't have to do this, Honey!" Mr. Jones exclaimed.

She pulled the trigger and-

It was out of ammo. Mr. Jones let out a big laugh at her, but she wasn't going to let him win. She looked around for something like ammo anywhere. She turned her body to the left and her a crinkle from her pocket. The tater tots fell onto the floor. She picked them up and put them in the gun.

Mr. Jones just kept laughing at her. "You're going to kill me with tater tots?"

Mercedes placed the tater tots into the ammo bank of the gun. Mr. Jones let out a sigh, thinking that these tater tots couldn't kill him. BAM! BAM! BAM! Mercedes fired three tater tots at her dad, all which landed in his nose and mouth.

Mr. Jones was gasping for air. The tater tots were stuffed in his only air vent systems. He clasped onto his wife's hair, but that didn't help. Mr. Jones fell to the floor; he was dead.

"Bitch dun' mess up my weave," Mrs. Jones said.

Mercedes hugged her Mom. It was just them now, and Mercedes didn't have to worry about hate from her family anymore.

"Well, your Dad and I were going to go on a cruise in a few weeks, but I guess you and maybe a friend can go now," Mrs. Jones explained to Mercedes. "How about that Sam boy? You guys are friends, right?"

Mercedes told her mom she would think about it. In the meantime, she asked her where the tater tots were.

"I don't know. Where did you last see them?"

Mercedes gasped. "Dad hid them!" she exclaimed. "I have to find them!"

"We'll find you more tots!" Mrs. Jones assured Mercedes. "I'll buy more!"

Mercedes shook her head. "The tot god speaks to me through those tots. I have to have at least one!"

Mrs. Jones sighed. "I don't know where they are, though."

"Then we will go on a quest," Mercedes said. "I'm not giving up till I find my tots."

_**Next Chapter will be posted on: 1/8 (I'm taking a short hiatus.)**_

_**Thanks for reading; I've got a very funny storyline coming in about 2 chapters!**_


	6. Chapter 6: The Quest

**WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS **_**MAJOR**_** NSFW THEMES. DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE NOT COMFORTABLE WITH SEXUAL ACTIVITY, SOMEWHAT DISGUSTING CONTENT, OR TATER TOT ABUSE. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK. **

Mercedes pulled opened her two closet doors. At first sight, all that might appear are some pink and purple t-shirts, gold merchandise and several pairs of pants. But if one were to push all of that aside, on the back wall would be a red-orange button. Mercedes knew she only should touch this button in case of an emergency. For example, when she was in second grade her Mom lost tampons and the blood was gushing out of the vagina. Turns out Mercedes ate the tampons. That was the only time Mercedes pushed the button. Now, she was going to add another time to this list; a bigger emergency.

She slowly placed her index finger on the tip of the button, and with a slow tap a huge map descended from the ceiling. It was an outline of the Jones' house. It touched every corner of the room, and curled a bit at the bottom. The lights dimmed and a spotlight appeared on it.

"Honey, how can this help you find your tater tots?" Mrs. Jones asked her daughter.

"They are in this house somewhere," Mercedes replied. "We'll use it how we used it to help find the tampons. With this map we can survey the entire house and find the tots. I'm not giving up."

Mrs. Jones nodded and promised her child that she will help as much as she possibly can. "Good. First let's go downstairs to the kitchen," Mercedes suggested. "Dad normally hides things in that room. He hid the ice cream after dinner there, he hid my candy after Halloween, he also hid your vibrator there."

Mercedes' Mom agreed. "Let's go!"

They slowly walked down the steps, afraid of where the tots might be. What if they were drowning? That could surely frighten Mercedes. What if they were in a bomb? Their life was at risk, as they looked for the tots.

"Tots, tots! Come out, come out wherever you are!" Mercedes screamed hopelessly for her tots. Mercedes thought that if the tot god heard her, perhaps he could lead her to them. "Where are you?"

Mercedes and her mom searched through every inch of the kitchen. They weren't there. "I guess we have to move to a different room," Mercedes explained to her mom. "Where next?"

"I can't do it," Mrs. Jones told Mercedes. "It hurts to walk, honey. I might have a rash or something. I'll sit right here."

"Are you sure you can't continue?" Mercedes asked her Mom. She nodded.

"Don't give up though," her Mom said as she put herself in a chair. Mercedes nodded and ran back upstairs to cross the kitchen off of the map.

"Now it's time to check…. the living room," Mercedes decided. But then again she couldn't find them there.

She checked every room, every inch, every millimeter but the tots were no where to be found.

Mercedes slowly ventured back to the room where her mom was sitting. "I give up. The tots are gone forever. For once I thought I could have love, but I guess not."

"Holy shit Mercedes," her mother spoke. "How many fucking times do you have to give up in this goddamn awful fanfic that no one reads?"

"Mom, I'm sure several people read this fanfic."

"Oh really?" Mrs. Jones assured Mercedes. "Maybe they should write a review. Maybe they should-"

"Mom! That's not the point," Mercedes interrupted. "I don't why I keep trying so hard for my tater tots. Why don't they try as hard for me?"

Mrs. Jones looked into her daughter's eyes and saw the sadness that they held. "One time one of my best friends in middle school started ignoring me. She wouldn't talk to me for months, and it seemed like forever. The guidance counselor told me that true friendship finds its way back to each other. And what do you know? Now we're best friend. Does love work that way too? I'm sure of it. Mercedes, you're beautiful. And even if you don't find these tots, there's plenty others. Besides, who needs a tot god when you have me?"

All of a sudden a miracle happened. A bright light emerged from not in the house, but in the legs of Mrs. Jones. Mercedes unzipped her Mom's pants and the light was coming from a rather awkward place, in the vagina of Mrs. Jones. Mercedes got her two hands and opened up her mom's hole as far as it can go and there they were, the tater tots.

"Mom, how the hell did they get there?" Mercedes questioned.

"Bitch, how the hell am I supposed to know? I sit down for one minute and all of a sudden a swarm of tater tots be stuck up my pussy!"

Mercedes pulled them all out. She stuck out her tongue and licked them all clean, and every one of them was brand as new; in mint condition.

"I guess that tot god really does exist," her Mom assured. "Listen, about that cruise I told you about, it boards in a week. I want you to go."

Mercedes smiled and thanked her Mom, but assured that Sam can't make plans in a week.

"I want you to go with your love Mercedes," Mrs. Jones implied. "Your tater tots."

Mercedes teared up at the thought. Her and the tots going on a cruise.

"Where is the cruise going to?" she asked.

"Well I'll drive you to New York, which is where the Carnival boat is departing. You'll go down the east coast and all the way to the Bahamas!" Mrs. Jones excited her daughter. "It's going to be a week long."

This trip sounded like a dream come true for Mercedes. How better could life possibly get?

"Thank you so much Mom. It really means a lot you know."

Mrs. Jones chuckled a bit. "I know."

All of them shared an embrace. Mercedes, Mrs. Jones, and even the tots gave each other a huge group hug.

"We better start packing. You know you even get to swim with dolphins."

Mercedes smiled and they all headed up to her room to start packing.

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**_

_**Thanks for reading! Next chapter will be posted on **__**1/15**__**. The cruise is very funny, so make sure to share to your friends and keep reading!**_


	7. Chapter 7: Risks

_Author's Note: __As many of you know, Mercedes will be going on a cruise this chapter. In no __**way, shape or form am I making fun or endorsing the tragic cruise ship accident that happened this weekend.**__ To be honest, I was a little reluctant writing this chapter due to that. But while reading, please understand that I do not mean to make fun of the cruise ship accident this weekend, and I am truly praying for the victims. Enjoy._

"Which one is it?" Mercedes asked her mom, looking at the colorful boats docked in New York City harbor.

"It's the one right there," she responded pointing to a large red and blue boat docked to her left. "It's called the Carnival Dream. It's a real pretty boat."

"How did you afford this?" Mercedes questioned.

"Money isn't an issue, honey. But you are in the penthouse suite! Enjoy yourself, spend money, we have no worries."

They parked their car and walked towards the terminal. They hit security, and Mrs. Jones had to say goodbye to her child.

"Bye Mom, make sure not to go crazy!"

"Fuck that Mercedes," Mrs. Jones responded. "I'm going to go fuck bitches and get money!"

Afterwards, Mrs. Jones ran back to her car. As they went through security, one of the guards questioned Mercedes.

"How old are you?"

"17."

"Are you traveling alone?"

"No," Mercedes responded. "I'm traveling with my love."

"Male or Female?"

"Tater tots." Mercedes smiled at the guard and removed the pack of tater tots from her backpack.

"The fuck? You love tater tots? What are you, gay?"

Mercedes glowered at the guard. "I is not gay, I is totsexual. Mix that up again and one testicles will be in your asshole."

"Welcome aboard!" he responded. Mercedes was then greeted and taken up to her penthouse.

It was huge. As she walked in, the cruise ship concierge clapped two times. Two turquoise curtains opened. Mercedes looked around and saw the beauty of the room. In each corner was a dark green couch with small seashells, and behind a small black curtain was a huge brown king size bed. Mercedes ran towards it and took a big jump, and felt herself moving right to left; it was a waterbed.

"Glad you enjoy the room. Remember, tomorrow we will be docking in Nassau. Checking over your itinerary… you will be going to the Atlantis resort and go swimming with dolphins. Except there is an issue," the concierge warned Mercedes.

"And that is?" Mercedes questioned; still squishing from right to left on her waterbed.

"It's a reservation for two. Who's the other person?"

"Not person!" Mercedes babbled again. "Tater tots."

The concierge took a deep breath. "If that's what you want, M'am. Just make sure to be up around ten o'clock tomorrow for your Atlantis excursion."

Mercedes smiled- this was going to be a great trip.

The bright sun of Nassau rose between the east and west royal towers of Atlantis. Mercedes pulled her tater tots out of her pocket to show them the view. She gave them a quick kiss and murmured, "We're here." The top tater tot slightly moved to the left. "I'm glad you asked what we're doing first… let me see." Mercedes put her right hand into her pocket and felt around for a crumpled up itinerary. She pulled it out and read that first they will be going swimming with dolphins.

"Dolphin Cay is over there. Let's go tater tots!" Mercedes let the tater tots go first, and had her arm extended out holding the tater tots before her. On the way, she got looks from everyone, but she didn't care. She was totsexual and no one could change that.

"Here it is!" Mercedes said as she stepped onto the pathway leading to the dolphin cay building. "Hello," she exclaimed as she approached the staff woman there. "I have a dolphin cay reservation for two?"

"Mercedes Jones?"

"Yes M'am," Mercedes responded. "And my tater tots."

"That's a cute name for your love. You will be in building three."

As she walked towards that building, more looks filled in. Mercedes kept her head up high.

"Hello M'am!" A lady with a pink shirt said. "You are going to need a wetsuit for swimming with the dolphins. Here, try this one on," the lady said giving Mercedes a black wetsuit.

"I need another one for my tater tots," Mercedes said, revealing the tater tots that she was holding.

"M'am, you can't bring those into the water. The dolphins will eat them."

"I reserved a spot for them," Mercedes responded. "They will be going with me, and if you want to stop it you can talk to them."

"You want me to talk to some tater tots?" The lady replied.

"Not just some tater tots, _my_ tater tots."

"Okay then," the lady said. She bent down on one knee and started talking to Mercedes' tater tots. "Hello there, tater tots. You cannot go in the water. You will die."

"They said no, now give them a wetsuit."  
>The lady unwillingly gave them a very small wetsuit, and Mercedes put the bag in there.<p>

"Now, go over all the way to the right side of the lagoon, your dolphin trainer will be waiting for you."

"Thanks," Mercedes said, starting her journey to her trainer.

"I thought they stopped the sale of weed here," the woman murmured to herself.

Mercedes spotted her dolphin trainer, and started walking towards him. "Hi! I'm Mercedes. What's your name?"

"Decarlo is my name. This is Cosmo, your dolphin." Cosmo splashed some water on Mercedes, and she laughed.

"He's so cute!"

"Yes he is!" Decarlo responded. "And you'll have him to yourself, am I right?"

Mercedes said what she's been saying all day. "Actually no. I have my tater tots love with me."

"That's great," Decarlo said, knowing he shouldn't fight with a guest. "So this is Cosmo. He weighs approximately 550 pounds, and is one of our smartest dolphins here. Grab a kickboard," Decarlo explained handing Mercedes and her tots a green and red kickboard. "And Cosmo will give you a foot push. Pretty little lady, you can go first," he said, gesturing to Mercedes.

She laid flat on her kickboard, one leg out, and then Decarlo put his mouth to a whistle and blew it.

Before she could blink, Cosmo swam up to her foot and started pushing her to the other side of the lagoon. She screamed out of excitement, this had to be one of the most fun things she's ever done. The dolphin swam away from her feet, and Mercedes' foot push was done.

"Did you have fun?" Decarlo screamed across the lake.

"It was awesome! Now it's time for my tater tots!" Mercedes screamed back.

Decarlo put her tater tots on a kickboard, and the dolphin did the push again. Except, Cosmo got a little unbalanced. He accidently turned over to one side, and the tater tots fell to the bottom of the lake. Cosmo dived after them, hoping to get a snack.

"Tater tots! He can't eat them! I have to save them!" Mercedes exclaimed, diving in after her tots.

She was one reach away, till the dolphin came and grabbed them in his mouth.

"Cosmo! Put them down!" Decarlo hopelessly screamed. But his screams were not heard by the dolphin.

Mercedes was treading the water. "There has to be something you can do!"

"There is one thing," Decarlo quickly explained. "I have a whistle that'll have the dolphin come to me, but it's new, we've never used it before."

"Blow it!" Mercedes screamed.

Time stopped. With one blow of that whistle, every dolphin in the lagoon came over to Decarlo, and lied down. Not a single flipper moving. Just stayed still as a rock, near Decarlo. He slowly tugged at the bag in Cosmo's mouth, but it wouldn't move. With one quick tug he pulled the bag, but one tater tot fell in the water. Mercedes didn't see that though, she was too busy swimming over to him.

Mercedes finally arrived. "You saved them!"

Decarlo smiled. "I saved them."

"Thank you so much!" Mercedes exclaimed. She hugged Decarlo. "I think my time is up though. Thank you!" She exited the water with her tater tots. Little did she know that one tater tot was missing.

"It's just one tater tot," Decarlo murmured to himself. He waved goodbye to Mercedes, and continued his day like normal.

Mercedes took a taxi back to the Carnival boat. That day she realized that sometimes she has to take risks for her tots, but if they love her, they will always come back.

Mercedes took a step back onto the ship, getting ready for the long night ahead.

_I am going to stop posting when the next chapter will be out, just hope for one every Sunday. __**I can assure you, next chapter will be the funniest chapter yet. **_


	8. Chapter 8: The First Time

**THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS **_**VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY**_** HIGH NSFW THEMES. DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE NOT COMFORTABLE WITH SEXUAL THEMES, DISGUSTING CONTENT OR SEX BETWEEN HUMANS AND TATER TOTS. I ALSO USE GRAPHIC CONTENT WHEN DISCUSSING SEX AND HOW IT HAPPENS. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. ENJOY.**

Mercedes Jones stepped back onto the brown-orange rug of the Carnival Dream, carrying her tater tots ever so gently onto the left side of her body. She walked towards the elevator, and clicked the up button.

"You really had me worried today tots," Mercedes told her love. "I thought my life was over when you fell in. But Decarlo saved every one of you; he saved my life. I don't know what I would've done if I never saw you again." The two elevator doors slid apart revealing the small elevator room. Mercedes walked in and clicked the penthouse button. "I love you tater tots. And it wasn't until today 'till I realized my true love for you." Mercedes dipped her hand into the bag filled with tots and pulled out the top tater tot. She slowly moved it towards her lips, and emerged her tongue to lick it from the bottom up. Then she started making out slowly with it. Her tongue was all over it. It was a warm chocolate Sunday and Mercedes was in the mood for some milk. She made a hole in the top with her tongue and slowly immersed it with the potatoes that were inside. She closed her eyes and just focused on the taste her tongue was getting right now. The sweet yet salty taste of a tater tot. She could taste the love the tot was holding like a little baby. It was her love, and nothing could change that. But when she opened her eyes she arrived at the suite. She exited the elevator, and put the wet tater tot back into the bag.

"There are so many restaurants on this ship," Mercedes explained to the bag. "I made sure to reserve us the best for tonight. It's called _Cibo Merda Per Prezzi Alti. _It's supposed to have amazing Italian food and even has a world famous Italian chef named Cazzo Viso! He must've written a book or something. I'm going to shower now, but be ready in about a few!" Mercedes then left the living room of the suite to go into the bathroom.

The tater tots lie on the table, not moving. They were afraid of what the night may carry. They loved Mercedes with all their heart, but they new that the moment she found out one of them was missing; it wasn't going to end well. But the tater tots didn't know if that tot was the tot god or not. The only way to find out is for Mercedes to call him, and if he responds then he is there. If not, he isn't. But they can't tell Mercedes to call him; she has to do it when her heart tells her. For now they tater totted up and wanted to enjoy the rest of their vacation. Mercedes came out of the bathroom fully dressed, looking like a queen.

"I'm ready. You ready?" Mercedes asked. "Let's go."

They made their journey down to the restaurant.

"Hello," Mercedes said to the hostess at the front of the restaurant. "I have a reservation for two? Mercedes and tater tots."

"Yes M'am, right this way," she responded guiding them to a small booth near the back of the restaurant. At this point, the crew was warned about Mercedes' totsexualness and were told to just accept it.

"Thank you," Mercedes told her. As she left Mercedes exclaimed to the tater tots, "Isn't this amazing? This entire restaurant is just so beautiful. So…amazing. Just like you."

Their waiter approached them and asked what they would like to eat. Mercedes responded with their order of two large filet mignons and he departed.

"The dolphins were fun today. I felt like I was going to fall off on that foot push. Didn't you?"

The tater tots shined in the light.

"It was just so powerful and amazing! Just like our love. Powerful, yet amazing." Water started forming on the tip below Mercedes' eye. "A month ago I thought I would never be able to love you. I was just a totsexual trapped in a place where I wasn't accepted, a place where I could never have the mind to become accepted. But then you came, tater tots, you came and you changed my life. You were the ones who were by my side when Sam couldn't accept me, and you were there when I accepted I was totsexual in that disgusting ice rink. You were there when my Mom finally accepted me, and you were even there when I killed my Dad. And now you're here with me when I realize my love for you on this romantic cruise. I don't know how I can show my love to you, though," Mercedes explained. "You've done such a great job of showing your love for me. Being supportive, always being by my side. And I'm standing here like an asshole just letting you give me love when I can't give it back. How can I give you love tots? How can I make you realize that you are the one I want to be with for the rest of my life?"

The tater tots stood there, frozen. They didn't have an answer. The waiter came back with their steaks.

"Thank you," she said. He went back into the kitchen. "You have to know someway I can make you realize. I won't be able to move, I won't be able to live anymore without assuring my love with you. Do I need to buy you something? Do I need to feed you something?"

The tater tot bag slowly shifted to the left.

"I never heard you speak like that before, tater tots. But since you asked, yes. I am. Are you?"

The tots froze.

A smile slowly emerged onto Mercedes' face. "You are? That makes me so glad to hear. We're both virgins. But why did you ask me, tots?" Mercedes quickly said. They didn't respond though, they just remained still. But Mercedes quickly realized the tot's purpose in asking. She responded to them saying, "Some people find the definition of sex to be pleasure. But I don't, tots. Sex isn't just a thing to me. It's something that you say to a love. It's saying, 'I love you, and I want to be with you for the rest of my life and no one can change that.'"

The tater tots shifted back onto their left side.

"I did just say that, didn't I? And you are the one I want to be with forever, tater tots; you are the reason why I want to remain on this planet. You're the reason why I came onto this cruise in the first place. You're my love. Giving each other our virginity is a gift that can only be given to one person. And you are that person, tater tots. And I'm ready to give it up with you."

They remained still, giving Mercedes the silent, frozen, yes sign.

"I'm done eating. Let's have our first time." Mercedes picked up her bag of tater tots and left the restaurant. She walked back up to her suite.

Mercedes closed the door of the penthouse and laid the tots on the bed. She picked the bottom of her dress up and pulled it over her noggin, revealing just a purple bra and pink panties. She threw the dress onto the table and slowly strutted towards the bag of tater tots. She picked one out of the bag, and started the experience.

She opened her mouth in an 'O' shape and stuck the tater tot in. She carefully moved it back and forth inside her mouth. She knew that giving a blowjob was a crucial step in the sex circle; it boosts the sexual hormones in the room and brings out a sexy side into the players in the sex. She kept on doing the action of moving it back and forth. She slowly took the tater tot out of her mouth and turned it over. She lay down on the round bed. She held the tater tot up high above her head and stuck out her tongue. She slowly moved the bottom of the tater tot towards her tongue and just licked the bottom of the tater tot like a guinea pig would lick its water bottle. Fast small wipes from one end to other. She then slowly opened her mouth back up and resumed the blowjob that she was giving a minute ago. She could feel the tater tot getting wet inside her mouth. This only made her hornier.

Mercedes took off her bra and revealed her two large boobs. They drooped down and hit her waist, and the tater tots loved this. But what they loved more were her huge nipples. They were amazing, the best nipples on the boat. She grabbed two more tater tots out of the bag and slowly brought them to the nipples. One got the right, one got the left. She massaged them around. "Ugh!" she moaned as the tater tots were giving her pleasure. She couldn't take the irritation any longer. She tightened her boobs and smashed the tater tots on them. The potatoes oozed out and slowly dripped down her body, and into the panties.

This was the final stage. She stood up, placed two hands on both sides of the panties and slowly maneuvered them down her legs. She threw them back on the bed, and there she was. She was fully naked in front of her tater tots. She sat back down on the bed and opened her legs up wide, revealing her vagina and the gaping hole that was hungry for some tater tots. She picked up one of the tots, and slowly brought it towards her pussy hole. She held it in one hand and opened up her hole in the other, and slowly stuck the tater tot in there. "Fuck!" she screamed as her hole started to eat it up. She could feel the bumpiness of both sides rubbing against her clits. She just felt the horniness run up her spine. She grabbed another one and shoved it right in. "Ugh!" she moaned louder this time. "That was a mistake. It hurts but feels so good at the- ugh!" She didn't know whether to classify it as pain or pleasure. But she knew as horny as she is, this was for love.

"I'm not forgetting about you guys either," she said to the other tots. She turned around slowly, trying not to adjust the placement of the tater tots in her vagina. She put herself in the dog position, on her bed with all fours. She grabbed the rest of the tater tots in her bag and started shoving them in her asshole, taking them in like it was water. One after the other, they were being shoved in there. "Ugh! Ugh! Ugh!" Mercedes moaned again, this time doing it in pleasure. She felt that tingly feeling in her body, and she couldn't tell if it was an orgasm or if it was just hormones. She turned over so that her stomach was lying on the bed. She started moved her ass up and down, hoping that the tater tots would get shoved in more. They were moving up her asshole and vagina hole towards her body. She started getting tired, and sat on her bed. She was panting like a dog, excited by the sex. She opened her vagina hole, bent her head down and pulled the tater tots out with her teeth. They were wet. She placed them to her right. She then took her right hand and pulled the other tater tots out of her asshole. She also placed them to her right. Finally, to end the sex, she went through every tot and licked them clean.

She put on her nightgown, put the tater tots back in the bag, and held them by her side as she went to sleep.

"Some people say you can't love someone that's not a human. Yet again, they say love has no boundaries."

Mercedes fell asleep with her love by her side. The love of her life. Her tater tots.

_Author's Note: Oh god, I'm so sorry for making that chapter so long. There were so many details I didn't want to leave out. And it was very hard for me to write the sex because I'm a male. Anyways, thanks for reading! New chapter *hopefully* out next week! _


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